So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
