i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
