Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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