doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
