I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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