no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
