We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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