John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
