As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
