He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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