tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
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I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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