It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
