I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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