turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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