i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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