so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
