Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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