I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
