New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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