Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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