Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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