How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
