Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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