Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
