I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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