that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
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PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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