THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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