used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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