I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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