There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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