That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
