a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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