The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
