i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
