Porn is love you can see.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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