Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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