you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
