It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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