I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
