Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
