Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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