Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
