becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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