you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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