No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
