I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
