dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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