Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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