a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
