It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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