Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
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Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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