In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The Olympian is in my bed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
