THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
