Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
