As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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