I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
