who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
