Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
