Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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