No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
