I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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