You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
