i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
