I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
