Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
