so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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