I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I fill condoms, not promises.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
