I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
