Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
