So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
