I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
